Humanfest might be my last show for a long time, if not forever. I highly doubt forever, but you never know how these things are going to turn out. With (hopefully) employment and a baby to take care of, getting gigs will be more hassle than ever. Unless I get this day job, then it might be a bit easier than anticipated. I definitely want to play at least a few times a year, but you know, I have terrible music and absolutely no ambition to do much of anything at all.
This will probably just become a recording project. Wherein I just record and publish shit however I feel like. If something takes off, then whatever. Idc honestly. My audience is nil and will continue to be nil until the end of time. I'm the only person listening anymore, and even then I'm thinking, "Wow, I wrote this crap? Its crap!"
It is crap though.
But I feel like the songwriting is getting somewhat better. My words and lyrics are becoming not so cliched and stagnant. The scope of language is a magnificient thing, but we only use so little of it to convey such trite ideas: love, sex, longing, feeling good, sadness, revenge. It is hard to break out of that cycle in any meaningful way. Everything else becomes pretentious and impenetrable garbage, not through any fault of the writer, but because the audience has come to expect certain things from music... mainly songs that validate what you already think and feel. No one wants to listen to music that challenges their own beliefs-- that takes time and energy. Songs that sing, "I'm a hardworkin man/ I've paid my dues/ But my woman takes my money/ And spends it all on shoes" are going to be more popular than songs that express a desire to examine how your inability to confidently articulate your disappointment with life and your lover causes a cycle to perpetuate your present situation. How silence and self-loathing keeps this process in motion, and only direct, sympathetic conversation can actually change anything, instead of sitting and bitching and getting an excuse to hate people instead of yourself for 3 minutes and 20 seconds.
That is the problem with a lot of music now a days I think, lack of self awareness. Everything happens to you, and that is the cause of your problems--- not the fact that you can't talk about it, or the fact that you are too chickenshit to change your station in life. It is eveyrone else hounding you. Bringing you down. It is really quite extraordinary that we are such an insular society, but we don't understand how the "self" works. This society is so up its own ass right now, we want everything now, all the advertising is directed specifically to the consumer, porn is as vast and plentiful as ever.. you can jerk it to literally anything, but we still don't understand why this world is failing. It is because, even though we are all connected and information is essentially free to everyone, we are more insular than ever. We care only about what we want and what we know, and we don't care what you know or what you want, because we have been trained to want only what we want. Confused? Me too. Everything is directed directly to you, so you believe you must be the deciding factor in taste and what is popular. So you seek out others who share the same ideals, you listen to the same music, watch the same shows, see the same movies and go to the same games. It creates this bubble of self-satisfation that deludes us into believing there are no other opinions, there is no "other" so whenever we encounter an oppositional belief, we go into defensive.
How could these people believe that? Our movies, music and television shows don't teach that, they don't allow that, and we are the majority! Democracy demands we are right. So we are right! That is why we look to celebrities whenever we need a spokesperson-- they are the faces of the movies and television we watch to affirm ourselves. They are the popular kids in high school that get thrust to the forefront whenever there is a tragedy, or whenever the body needs a head to express its ideas to powers greater than themselves-- because they are known. Celebrites are known, and even if they have no real experience on a subject, we look to them because we feel connected to them, somehow they understand us because they speak the words we want them to say.
Where was I?
So, PDA. its future is up in the air right now.
Peace.
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