Just sometimes

I don't know what to think anymore, like, I'm a man without a scene I guess.

Am I a musician, even? I look at all these guys play concerts and on magazines, and its just like, who the fuck are these people? Why do they dress like that? Do they all not shower?

Of course I'm generalizing here, but sometimes it feels that way.

This comes from a bad experience with the Sioux City Music Scene mostly... just a bunch of guys who are too big for their britches. They all walk around like cocks of the walk, but I assure you, they are cocks of nothing. I go up on stage, try to do something a bit different, try to play as well as I can. No one even cared. Some of the people that were just at pipe dreams were nice, but most (not all, some good guys out there) were just completely oblivious to me. They just look at me like, oh he's here? Fuck those guys, seriously. I put just as much effort into my music as you do, maybe even more. I freaking agonize over my lyrics and chords. Put hours into songs trying to find the right way to say things, trying to get the feel just perfect. Sorry I'm not some fucking savant that can take a bong rip, needle away on his guitar for 20 minutes and call it good.

Sometimes I do get a bit lucky, though, and some instant inspiration hits and I am able to get something down in about an hour or so, but mostly I've spent weeks, even months perfecting songs, and they aren't even close to being perfect. They are just as close as I can get them.

But, they all act hardcore and amazing, like the music they are making is going to set the world on fire, and it might, who knows? But it hasn't, yet, so don't fucking act like it or you won't ever make it. You have to have that hunger in your gut, that want, that desire to become something greater every day. But if you already think you are amazing? Then guess what, you have no drive to become better.

What do i know, though? I'm not even close to making it, and honestly I wish them all the luck in the world. I hope they do make it, because that is awesome. Becoming a paid musician is a dream job that a lot of people have, and I just hope they are smart enough to realize how lucky they would be... fucking douchebags.